This is a teaching that directly impacts homes, subjecting whole families to whatever kinds of leadership husbands decide they are divinely entitled to. The BF&M 2000 Section on the Family says “A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband.”

When men are taught they have authority over women, this complementarian teaching that was born in churches and nurtured in Christian families, bleeds out into society. Both men and women who never go to church are influenced by it. Often it results in abuse of wives and girlfriends in both church and society.

Wives lose their status in marriage and come under the domination of the husband to whatever degree of submission he decides he wants. Girls are raped, sex trafficked, beaten, and murdered because females have been devalued. This devaluation produces long-term detrimental effects, and women and families suffer because of it.

Because complementarians push second-class citizenship for women in churches, when they advocate for abused women in shelters they come across as hypocrites. Church ministries spend time and money bandaging the wounds of those afflicted by male dominance, but they will not address the teaching that causes it. As Jesus said, “they will not lift a finger” to change it. In fact, they continue to perpetuate it.

Danvers Statement and physical abuse

In June 2008, at a Bible church in Denton, Texas,  Bruce Ware, a founding member of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood and still a Council Member of the CBMW (as is Al Mohler) said, “And husbands on their parts, because they’re sinners, now respond to that threat to their authority either by being abusive, which is of course one of the ways men can respond when their authority is challenged—or, more commonly, to become passive, acquiescent, and simply not asserting the leadership they ought to as men in their homes and in churches.”

Ware was and still is the professor of Christian Theology at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. In his statement he gave husbands an excuse for abusing their wives—that of being a sinner, as if sinners are not to be held accountable.

Ware says in effect that men can do one of two things when wives do not submit: they can become abusive, or they can become meek and passive. While this is shocking to us, it is more so when we realize that this is exactly the language of the Danvers Statement in their Affirmations. Affirmation #4 says “In the home, the husband’s loving, humble headship tends to be replaced by domination or passivity.”

When men in that congregation heard Ware say that men can choose to abuse their wives, every man in that congregation should have stood up and said “Not my daughter, he won’t!”

They did not. But you can. Stand up and say, “No man has the excuse to abuse my daughter for any reason, even if he thinks she is not submitting enough.”

This “headship” teaching causes suffering, because there is no way men, or women for that matter, can have the kind of god-like power that the Danvers Statement and the Baptist Faith and Message 2000 bestows without it having dangerous consequences as seen by Ware’s statement.

Church has no authority over wife or child abusers

The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood claims that they do not advocate abuse against wives, but when it does happen, they say that the church is better able to handle such domestic abuse than the secular world.

The fact is that the church has no such ability to handle abuse, and since the majority of pastors teach male headship, many will take the husband’s side. They have no binding or legal authority over any member of the church and abusers cannot be held accountable in a church setting.

The only action a church can take is to tell the abuser he cannot come back to church. They cannot make him attend any program for counseling, nor can they provide legal counsel to the wife. The result is that the abuser goes free and the woman is still at the mercy of her attacker.

If the Christian church did have authority over wife abusers and family matters, this would be akin to Sharia Law, which is the legal framework of public and private life that is regulated for those living in a legal system based on Islam.

 Significantly, the church also has no authority over a child abuser. The church is unable to dictate terms of compliance with the law or counseling. They have no legal authority other than to provide an “eyes on” when a predator becomes a member of their church. A family member who is being abused by another family member also cannot be protected by the church. These are cases for civil authorities and the church must not interfere with their process in handling abuse by or against church members.

Concern for families is admirable, but they have chosen the wrong solution. It takes both a strong mother and father to raise children. Strong families are not made by weakening the mother of the family by requiring her to submit to the children’s father.

Strong families are not made by telling husbands that their wife may be influenced by the Devil’s scheme, thus destroying their marriage, society, and all nations such as the Bible Study sent to local, national, and international leaders by Ralph Drollinger of Capitol Ministries on September 4, 2023.

Complementarians in the workplace and in the home

The implications of complementarianism are far greater than what goes on in churches and on the mission field. Churches are made up of people and those church members who firmly believe in adherence to those doctrines carry that belief of male headship into the workplace, and out into society. They fail to promote women to higher paid positions because they believe women should be at home, or, particularly in private and smaller businesses, they are likely to harass and abuse women in the workplace. This is one of the dangers of White House Bible Studies that send complementarian Bible Studies to local, state and national political figures. Look for stricter laws to be enacted.

Young women coming out of a strict complementarian home will expect her husband to be her salvation, protector, and provider. She may think it is her fault if he fails to live up to that expectation. As she matures, it is also possible that the wife and mother will not be allowed to live up to her own desires and abilities of working outside the family in a productive, satisfying, and financial way.

Young men will believe that they have all the rights of male headship. They may have never learned how to love women. It is likely they do not want their wives to become fully equal in decision making, financial affairs, and structure of the family. It is possible that the young men and fathers think that a strong man has a strong hand, which will be damaging to the females in his family.

Girls are raped, sex trafficked, beaten, and murdered because females have been devalued. This devaluation produces long-term detrimental effects, and women and families suffer because of it.

Next subject: Complementarian – Can They all be Wrong

Shirley Taylor Books (available on Amazon in print and on Kindle)
The Biblical Marriage Myth: The Devil Comes Calling
The Power of a Book: The Street Evangelist
Raising the Hood: A Christian Look at Manhood and Womanhood
Women Equal: No Buts
Dethroning Male Headship: 2nd Edition
From Wife to Widow: What I Know Now
Beyond the Grave: A Christian Dilemma